Vermin Supreme

January 18, 2018

Rick Broussard,

Photo by Chris Saunders

Some say the 2020 First in the Nation Primary season begins now, as we round the bend into the midterm elections and candidates swarm the state. But for true contenders, the season never ends — and there is no truer contender for the US presidency than Vermin Love Supreme, a “fringe” candidate who has been running for the office since 1992 on a colorful campaign platform that promises a free pony for every American. When Hillary Clinton came to Gibson’s Bookstore in December to sign copies of her book, “What Happened?”, Supreme took to Concord’s Main Street (with a campaign pony) and offered to sign copies of her book as well.

In His Own Words

I live in a small, rustic house in the frosty woods of the Cape Ann peninsula (current indoor temperature 27 degrees, excuse me while I go split some wood). It has guest shacks, a swimming hole and an 18-hole mini putt-putt course lined with junk sculptury.
The “Pony Pledge” is a stone cold lie that I stand by with all my heart. It has entered the political lexicon as an unobtainable desire.
I am a social anarchist. I believe that “mutual aid” is the glue that holds society together. If we can provide for ourselves and each other, our need for government is diminished. Peter Kropotkin was a great anarchist thinker and writer. Read his book “Mutual Aid.”
From down the street we can see the Seabrook power plant up the coast. My wife and I have lived here, low-rent and low-key, for almost 30 years.
My folks, Marianne and Norm, were high school sweethearts. She was a ward of the state. He was a ne’er-do-well. After they got knocked up with yours truly, they had a shotgun wedding. Storybook stuff.
We took family trips to Storyland, Santa’s Village, Benson’s Wild Animal Farm and Clark’s Trading Post.
They split when I was 10. We ate plenty of Reagan cheese and cans of welfare meat. We wore bread bags inside our boots. My dad lives in Punta Gorda.  My mom passed in October.
The Hillary supporters hated me. They were openly hostile. I brought them a pony. They would not let me sign their Hillary books. Too bad. Would have made them more valuable.
The inclusiveness of the NH primary is a shiny example of open democracy. The lack of riot cops on the campaign trail is a big plus.
My transformation from annoying crazy young man to distinguished crazy old man would never have happened without New Hampshire egging me on.
The free pony for every American is a cynical promise that excites the little girl in all of us.
I am now an internationally respected elder statesman of wing nuts. Thank you, Granite State.

While running as a perennial US Presidential hopeful, Vermin Supreme has already achieved that most American of statuses: celebrity. And like any successful celebrity he has his own line of merchandise. Along with his political manifesto, “i Pony” (which he invited HIllary Clinton supporters to sign during his Concord protest), there’s a documentary film which chronicles his rise to political immortality, “Who Is Vermin Supreme? An Outsider Odyssey.”

And let’s not forget about his famous headgear. Here’s where to order your very own authentic Vermin Supreme boot hat. Why this particular hat? According to Vermin, “In past elections I have worn a galosha. The balance was off and I would get a stiff neck after campaigning for an eight hour stretch.”

The Internet is having fun

It appears that folks on Facebook and Reddit are having a field day with the photo of Vermin that Chris Saunders took and appeared in our February 2018 issue. Check out some of the interesting Photoshop Wars interpretations that we found online. Did we miss any?