No Magic Needed for a Great Mother’s Day

Moms don’t often ask for much, but on Mother’s Day, we’re a tad particular. And why shouldn’t we be? It’s our only “official” day off the entire year.

This is a 24-hour, 365 days a year job, with its own unique challenges that are tailor-fit for mom. (By the way, anyone can be a mom: dads; parents in non-traditional households and same-sex marriages; families in mixed-generation homes, etc.)

Here’s a small sample of the job description: Moms are unquestionably there for you, even if you mess up. Moms impart wisdom, make you a sorely needed bowl of soup without asking, and remind you that it’s OK. Moms are supposed to have all the answers. Moms pay attention to us even when we think they’re not — they’re superhuman like that. They never allow themselves a day off, even when they’re sick, yet they wouldn’t trade the role for anything else.

Mother’s Day celebrates overcoming these challenges. It’s for brunches and bouquets, and creating homemade cards with heartfelt messages.

It’s a day to thank mom for all the hard work. But this year, what about thinking outside the Hallmark box?

As a mom myself, I like to have time alone that day to do whatever I feel like doing, whether that’s browsing a bookstore or planting some flowers, visiting a tea house, getting sushi with a friend or sleeping in. But what do other moms want on that special Sunday?

I searched Reddit recently for some mom-anonymous perspectives, and their unfiltered responses are telling.

One mom wrote, “I feel invisible most of the time.”

Another asked for “acknowledgment. That’s all. A phone call or a visit. Just a chat over a cup or glass of wine.”

Still others asked, “To be left the bleep alone,” while more requests hint at a lack of human decency: “A whole day to be a person and not a mom,” wrote one frustrated caregiver.

“Do her job for her, for one day,” said another.

There’s a pattern here. Moms feel underappreciated, even ignored.

One mom said she asks to have her car detailed every year, yet never receives the gift.

These sentiments aren’t just found on anonymous social media sites – they’re evident in everyday conversations between caregivers while their kids are jumping around out back during a playdate.

Many moms face an ongoing battle for equity regarding household and family duties. Several shared that they felt like they were carrying the “mental load” for the family, and there’s some truth to that. Moms are also always preparing for any impending family disaster or event — planning birthdays, scheduling playdates, making sure there’s TP in the house …. rinse, repeat. When they can’t keep up with it all, the mental pressure and fatigue sets in.

At least one mom on Reddit wanted to “make no decisions on where/what to eat” for Mother’s Day, a time often associated with brunch, a classic outing for that day. But it’s easy to forget that except for the no cooking / no cleaning part, when the entire family goes out to eat, the regular rules still apply – getting the kids dressed, keeping them on schedule, making sure the “mom bag” of diapers, wipes and supplies is ready to go, and plenty more.

“Organize child care so you can have a date night. Plan a family outing,” suggested one mom, offering a not-so-subtle reminder that organizing family events has been in mom’s Rolodex for generations.

Regardless, you know your mom best, so really think about her needs and what she might want. Don’t just assume flowers and a card is a safe fallback. Surprise her with something fun or something she wouldn’t think you’d remember. It could make all the difference.

First, one of the easiest ways to let her know she’s appreciated is by simply saying “thank you” — no need to break the bank with a pricey gift.

Offer to make breakfast or dinner, or both, or pick up the daily chores. One day “away” from the regular routine is thank you enough.

Moms love their own personal space and crave free time alone, but they really do want to spend time with the family as well. Watching the tube or binging a favorite sitcom doesn’t always “count.” Moms want quality family time, because that’s where special moments can be made. This means putting down the phone and video games to play Scrabble or Exploding Kittens around the kitchen table, throwing the ball around outside, or hanging out at a local park with no agenda.

Maybe your mom wants a homemade, thoughtful gift. Some years, I get a lovely card from my daughter, but it’s the crafty presents that I treasure most. One year, she made me chimes from a circle of wood and various keys that she had colored. I have one very simple picture that she drew of us hugging, and it’s one of my favorites.

Well in advance, listen to moms to find out how they want to spend their Mother’s Day. Better yet — just ask them. They are probably bursting to tell you.

Our Mother’s Day list contains more out-of-the-box ideas, including in-home spa package delivery, unique social events, tips for thrifty shoppers and more.