Candidate Cocktails

So the Red Sox won the World Series and the Patriots are on a roll. Well, lest we get too excited, there is still another high-stakes contest to settle before everyone can relax. However victorious our sports dynasties remain, there are plenty of tears in store for most of the presidential candidates and their faithful supporters in the days ahead. And whether you want to soften the blow or celebrate a victory, a good stiff drink might come in handy on the evening of the First in the Nation Presidential Primary.

Rather than just have any old drink, why not have one tailor-made for your candidate of choice? That’s what we were thinking, too, but then we realized it would be a lot of work (and require a high tolerance for booze) to actually invent and test a bunch of different cocktails, so we decided to do what the voters do every four years and take a leap of faith.

We consulted one of the largest online directories of drink recipes, The Webtender (, and paired up each candidate with the drink that was alphabetically closest to his (or Hillary’s) last name. The results are not always profound or funny, but like the candidates themselves, they are all we’ve got and will have to do. Here they are, unedited and without superfluous commentary. Salut! NH

The Clinton “Climax”

1/2 oz. Amaretto
1/2 oz. white Crème de Cacao
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. Crème de Banana
1 oz. light cream

Shake all ingredients well with cracked ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass and serve.

Edward’s “Ecto Cooler”

1 pkg. lemon-lime Kool-Aid
20 oz. vodka
1 lemon, sliced
1 Lime, sliced
1 cup sugar or more for taste

Fill with water and ice. Mix all ingredients in a large (1/2 gallon) pitcher. Shake and enjoy!

The Guiliani “Guillotine”

1 3/4 oz. butterscotch schnapps
Bailey’s Irish Cream
Fill shot glass about 4/5 of the way with butterscotch schnapps. Float a layer of Bailey’s Irish Cream on schnapps. Float a layer of Aftershock on the Bailey’s.

The McCain “McDuff”

1 1/2 oz. scotch
1/2 oz. triple sec
2 dashes bitters
1 orange slice

In a mixing glass half-filled with ice cubes, combine the Scotch, triple sec and bitters. Stir well. Strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the
orange slice.

The Obama “Obadoba”

1 gal. heated milk
10 tsp sweetened cocoa
powder (O’Boy)
1 dl. whipped cream

Add a pinch of salt for each serving.

Mix the O’Boy and the salt in a tall glass, add the heated milk. Put some whipped cream on the top and serve.

Richardson’s “Richards”

1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream
1/2 oz. whiskey
10 oz. hot coffee

Use a large beer glass, pour the spirits into it, then fill it up with hot coffee.

Romney’s “Romulan Ale”

1 1/2 oz. white rum
1 oz. Blue Curacao
Sprite (or 7-Up)
6 drops tabasco sauce

Mix all ingredients together. Pour into a tall, narrow glass. Add a grain of salt.

Thompson’s “Thorny Mexican”

1 part tequila (Jose Cuervo)
1 part tequila rose
Add tequila rose and follow with tequila.

We intended to stick with the top-tier candidates for this list, but it seems more fair to include a couple of colorful sub-tier contenders.

Paul’s “Paul Raspberry”


Pour vodka in medium-sized shot glass. Add a mouthful of 2% milk. Add a drop or two of grenadine. Ice optional.

The Kucinich “Kumoniwannalaya”

2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. pineapple juice

Add all three ingredients together, shake till mixed, then pour into cocktail glass.