Surviving it in Snuggies with enough brandy to get you to boogie.
If you spend a winter in New Hampshire, there are several unpleasant experiences that you simply can't avoid. You will slip on ice while carrying groceries. You will have the plow guy bury your driveway entrance shortly after you finish shoveling. And you will experience the dreaded power outage.
Some power outages are brief (usually, for me, late on Sunday afternoon in the final two minutes of a Pats game). Others, like the one from last year's ice storm, can last for days.
Preparation is key, my fellow Granite Staters, so before the lights go out this winter assemble the following items in your EMERGENCY POWER OUTAGE SURVIVAL KIT.
I recommend The Snuggie, the ultimate survival suit. Don't cut corners when it comes to your family's safety. Get the good one, the original, and not the knock-off Slanket or Sqwilt.
Stock up on those pricey scented candles because if this thing goes a couple of days and you can't shower, you're going to start smelling like a North Conway goat.
A blazing fire will go a long way to helping you forget about missing the B's game. Use your utility bill as kindling. You'll be surprised as to how many therms that six pages of nonsense can generate once it's burning. If you run out of wood, steal it from your neighbor's pile. They won't see you in the darkness and the blustery weather should cover your footprints pretty quickly.
Spam, Spam, baked beans and Spam! If it's good enough for stranded luxury cruise passengers, it's good enough for you. And as a bonus you can use that jelly it's packed in to protect your lips from frostbite.
FIRST AID KIT
For when you cut yourself opening the Spam.
So you can update your Facebook status to "screwed."
Get a good, high-lumen, long-life, industrial-grade LED flashlight. Something with some meat to it, in case you need to thunk a looter upside the head.
A GOOD BOOK
With no electronic distractions this is a great time to catch up on some reading. Get something spooky since you are already sitting in the dark, reading by candlelight. Try "Going Rogue" by Sarah Palin. It'll scare the hell out of you.
For when you finally decide you can no longer stay in the house with these people.
Not to hook up to the house. That's a very dangerous job that should only be done by a licensed professional electrician. But you should be able to wire up your holiday lights in the front yard and that'll really bug the neighbors.
BATTERY POWERED RADIO
For some romantic mood music to go along with the candlelight. When was the last time you and your loved one Polka-ed in Snuggies?
When all else fails, break out the brandy. NH